If you are reading this you have probably experienced one or more of the following situations:
a guy you would label as a “jerk” got the job or woman you were interested in
you never get to state your opinion
everyone is expecting you to sacrifice your time to do something you don´t really want to do
you never take the dominant role in your peer group or relationship
you rather do nothing than the wrong thing
If that sounds like you then you are what many refer to as “The Nice Guy”. You avoid arguments or strong opinions because you want to fit in. That´s normal behavior and nothing to be worried about in general. But if you were satisfied with your current status you would not be reading this so let´s see how you can go from “The Nice Guy” to a modern superhero who demands respect from everyone they meet.
A superhero has a high social status, is not influenced by other people´s opinions about them, is independent and successful and has their own opinion. They are not afraid to show anger but it is not their goal to scare or humiliate others. They stay true to themselves even if that means overcoming additional obstacles on their paths.
There is a difference between being a superhero and being an asshole, though. You want to be respected by others but you do not want to end up in jail for molesting other people or getting in trouble with the police. Do not try too hard or you will look like an asshole and lose your social status completely. If becoming an asshole is your goal please leave now.
For everyone who wants to become a superhero there is a simple rule to live by: Cause no harm but take no shit.
Cause no harm that isn´t necessary. You are a superhero, not an asshole; you don´t want to get into fights that are not worth it. Do not try to enforce your status. It will make you look like an idiot. If you are self confident and stay true to yourself without overdoing it people will notice.
If you have been a “Nice Guy” that part of the rule will not be the problem because “Nice Guys” already avoid confrontation. Assholes usually forget this part of the rule. They are so focused on showing how great they are that they cause a lot of harm to others and themselves. Always remember to avoid fights and cause no harm, fellow superhero.
If you are under attack, though, take no shit. Don´t let other people walk over you and your opinions. That is the second part where most “Nice Guys” fail. As soon as they face a different opinion or any other obstacle they surrender and let the other person have their way. They rarely object to something they don´t want to do.
Do not bend or bow just because you face some obstacles. You simply can not satisfy everyone, so why even bother? Take pride in yourself and make yourself proud. That´s everything that counts. If you are proud of yourself no one can take away your pride. If you decide that you will not change your opinion just to please people, others will start to treat you with respect.
Changing your opinion just to avoid an argument is a sign that you are not loyal to yourself. Make yourself a priority. Your needs should be more important for you than other people´s needs. That does not mean that you should start walking and talking over other people (maybe even people who are weaker than you). But do not let others use you to satisfy their needs.
The only person who really cares about you is yourself, fellow superhero. Don´t expect others to take care of your needs, take care of them yourself. Do not go to that vegan café if you actually want to eat steak, do not go out if you actually want to study for a test, do not visit your uncle if you actually want to take a roadtrip with your friends.
Do not try to please people if it reduces the quality of your life. It is YOUR life. If other people get angry with you for making your own choices instead of living for them, tell them to go cry in a corner. If you want to spend time with them do so. If you don´t want to prepare for obstacles in your way. You can either give in and become a “Nice Guy” again or you can decide to become a superhero who chooses their own path.
Start saying “No!” to people. It will be hard at first, especially if everyone already perceives you as a “Nice Guy” who always sacrifices himself for others. Do not back down. Face the consequences of your decisions like a superhero.
Be honest with yourself. Do not try to act super cool and uninterested in other people if you are not. You can be a superhero and still enjoy a great social life. But do not let others force you into doing something you do not want to do. Again, it is your life and your choice.
Stand up straight. Your posture can influence how you perceive yourself. If you walk like Captain America you will feel like Captain America. A good posture demands respect.
Take the risk of hurting someone with your behavior. This is unavoidable. Remember yourself that it is your life and you ain´t live it for someone else. If another person is hurt that´s not your problem. It first may feel like it is but it is really not. Believe me. You can not be liked by everyone so don´t even try, you are wasting your time.
One step at a time, fellow superhero. You won´t change overnight. Give yourself some time to apply those tips to your own life and check if you are happy about the outcome. If not try something else or do it a bit differently. Taking control over your life is the first step to success.