Shyness is a problem. I don´t know anyone who is shy and hasn´t hated himself for it.
The lack of courage to talk to a girl you like, raise your hand in class, ask for the pay rise you know you have earned. Being overly shy can literally ruin your life. And it is a very common trait in young people nowadays.
A shy person tries to avoid confrontation. They would rather hide their own personality than making a mistake that will probably be forgotten ten minutes from now. And after a while the shy person gives up completely, avoiding social situations in the future.
But there are good news ahead: Shyness is caused by a negative mindset.
Yes, your thoughts are creating your shyness. You were NOT born with it and it is absolutely possible for you to overcome it!
The only thing you have full control over are your own thoughts. You can hardly influence the thoughts and actions of others but you can control yourself.
Being shy is something you learned and you can unlearn it. Simply fix the way you think about other people.
Think about it: You are probably not shy around everyone, right? When you are with your friends or other people close to you the shyness subsides. You are only shy around people who you view as an authority or who you think you have nothing in common with – in other words: strangers.
Shyness often comes with low self-confidence. A man who is proud of himself and his own accomplishments is rarely shy around strangers. He knows his worth. He sees himself as an authority. He knows he is good-looking.
A shy person on the other hand often forgets their own worth. If you constantly think about – consciously or subconsciously – how other people have achieved more than you no wonder you have no self-confidence.
Before talking to a stranger think about a special skill you have or just something you are good at. Chances are you have abilities no one else around you has.
I am a great writer, for example, and I am on my way to become the best writer in the world. Maybe you are a great dancer and no one can dance like you can. Or you have exceptional knowledge about the mating habits of butterflies. Take pride in yourself!
Deep down every human has the same needs: food, shelter and sexuality. The same problems keeping you awake at night will keep the person you are too afraid to talk to awake, too.
Humans want to be appreciated by our peers. Social approval can be a great motivation.
You should not only remember what your own strengths are but also keep looking for strengths of other people. Find similarities and the stranger will no longer seem so dangerous. Even small similarities are a great start.
Maybe you both like dogs. Or you have the same favorite brand of ice cream. You both own red socks.
We humans fear what we don´t understand. Once you realize that you and the person you are talking to share at least a few similarities they will appear much less intimidating.
Shyness is a form of pessimism. Train yourself to always assume the best instead of the worst.
Whenever you notice that you are thinking negatively about something write your thoughts down immediately. Read them out loud. Laugh about how silly they are.
I have written down something like “The dentist will kick me out because of my bad dental hygiene.” I read it and just had to laugh out loud because I brush my teeth two times a day and floss at least once a week. And the dentist kicking me out is just a ridiculous thought. He would lose a client and money.
Another day I wrote “The cashier won´t accept my credit card. I will be forced to leave without the pants I wanted to buy and the other customers will laugh about me.” If someone in front of me in the line had problems paying their goods I wouldn´t laugh about them. I would roll my eyes and would go back to my own thoughts.
Whenever you write down your intrusive thoughts you will realize how ridiculous they are. 99.9% of the situations you are imagining in your head will NEVER happen. Shyness comes from the way you are thinking.
I promise you that nobody will laugh about you if you make a mistake. Most people won´t even care for longer than five seconds.
If a situation scares you expose yourself to the situation at least a dozen times. You will notice that the scenarios in your head are bullshit. Every human has the same needs as you do. They are worried about the same things. They are very likely to understand your situation.
And even if someone laughs about you, so what? You will not die.
Stay strong, fellow superhero! You don´t have to stay shy forever. Remember that you are a superhero! You can accomplish anything you want.